


Running away (from Happiness)

by midnightsvoid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14x08, Coda, Episode: s14e08 Byzantium, Gen, This episode made me cry a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 13:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16893291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightsvoid/pseuds/midnightsvoid
Summary: Coda fic after the events of 14x08, Cas has a hard time hiding his deal from Dean.





	Running away (from Happiness)

Cas brings the bottle to his lips, finishing the last of its contents in one gulp.

In front of him the brothers and Jack laugh at a joke Dean said, and Cas smiles in return. The burgers are devoured, embarrassing experiences are shared but still none on them make a move to go to bed despite the tired look on everyone's face.

They want to cherish these moments--when you spend time with family--because not too long ago, it was all they had been left with.

It's Sam who gets up first when he clock ticks to two am and starts to pile all the plates in the sink.

  
"Leave them there Sammy, I'll wash them in the morning." Dean tells him, finishing his own drink and getting up. He stretches his arms, and Cas hears the small clicks of his joints. "Well I'll see you all tomorrow, can't sleep on these stool twice in a week."

Sam snickers before wishing them all 'goodnight' and heading off towards his bedroom.

Dean passes Cas, giving him a pat on the shoulder along with a smile. "Don't stay up too late."

"Don't worry I'll retire as soon as Jack goes to bed." Cas returns his smile, ignoring the twist in his stomach.

"Yeah okay. Goodnight Jack, Cas."  
"Goodnight Dean." They echo together.

Once Dean's gone Jack turns to Cas with worried eyes. "How long will you hide it from them?" He asks.

  
"Jack..." Cas sighs, "You don't understand if they find out--if Dean finds out he'll do something reckless that will have dire consequences and with Michael on the lose we can't afford to be worried about this."

  
"You traded your own life for mine." Jack says, "you can't expect me to be okay with this. I will find a way to save you."

"Oh Jack." Cas says placing both hands on his shoulders. I shouldn't have placed such a great burden on him. To keep a secret so big, it isn't fair on him. Cas thinks.

  
He says out loud. "Family's there for each other and I only did what any father would do for his son."

"It doesn't change the fact that I'll find a way to stop this." Jack says, voice determined and Cas feels proud of how strong he's growing up to be.

  
"Thank you Jack, but don't do something without talking to me first."

 

* * *

 

  
Cas goes on two weeks before Dean and then soon Sam start to suspect that somethings wrong.   
It starts with Dean questioning why Cas is spending more time away from the bunker when he returns home from his search for the other Kaia.

"Cas, can I talk for you a second?" Dean says when he's heating the leftover pasta for Jack.

Cas passes Jack a look gives him a helpless look.

"I'll be there in a moment." Cas tells him, bringing over the food to Jack.

"Good luck." Jack tells him and Cas huffs, thinking over a presentable lie.

Dean's moved to his own room when Cas finds him. He's sitting on the bed, a frown marring his forehead. He waits until Cas takes his place on the bed before speaking. "You wanna tell me something?" Dean asks.

Cas tells himself it's just bait for him to spill. "About anything special?" He asks instead.

Dean lets out an annoyed huff and shakes his head, looking down at his feet. A minute passes with neither of them saying anything before Dean sighs. "Cas, are you not happy being here?"

The question takes him off guard and he makes a choked sound at the back of his throat which causes Dean to look up.  
"Is that it?" He prods trying to look a bit too casual but Cas can see how his shoulders are tense.

 _You've got it all wrong_ he thinks _. I am most happy here that's why I have to leave, that's why I have to look away every time you look at me, why I have to decline when you ask me to watch a movie, why I force myself away when you banter with Sam or when you look at our son with love or when we sit together at the table as a family because if I let myself experience it, it'll take me away._

"Of course not Dean" he says instead.

Dean's eyes don't leave his and Cas feels a painful tug, so he looks away. "I only leave because it's better if we split up and cover more ground. Not to mention the Angels still don't trust you all and we need all the help we can get because Michael might be weak and stagnant but we still need to find the weapon to kill him."

Dean purses his lips before finally nodding, "Yeah I guess, you're right."

Cas starts to get up but Dean's hand finds his shoulder. "You'll tell me if something's wrong right?" Dean asks and he looks so tired that Cas wants to pull him in for a hug and provide comfort but he refrains.

  
"Of course Dean." He says, giving a small smile.

He leaves the room without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any typos. This was a half an hour work because I couldn't deal with Cas sacrificing himself again and I had to let some of it out.


End file.
